A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE
EVENTS

July 12^th, 2005

muse@bikerenews.com

As with the very popular children's book series "A Series of Unfortunate Events", by Lemony Snicket (recently turned into a movie with Mr. Jim Carrey), this article is not about tales of great motorcycle adventures or happy endings. This is my attempt to bring the reader up on the events that have lead me to be absent from my favorite cyber-home (the Biker eNews).

Let me warn the reader now that if you are looking for a cute story, a story with a moral, or to learn about a new place to find Bar-B-Q. This is NOT the story for you. I would suggest that you stop reading now and check out one of Phil's, Joe's, Rich's, or Karen's recent articles. I always find them uplifting and encouraging to my motorcycle heart.

Al, Danny, and Larry at Hampton Roads Harley-Davidson

Hampton Roads Harley-Davidson

"If I was driving this boat...."

Larry, Ned and Mike

Southside Harley-Davidson

the Human Fly

As with any series of unfortunate events, this story starts with a bright and happy event. It was several weeks ago when my riding buddy, Mike, put out a call for like minded riders (people who don't care where they go) to meet for the annual Hampton Roads / South Side Harley Davidson "discount" ride. Now I was a little hesitant about being sucked into the Harley Hurricane of chrome and accessories. After all, I am an admitted C.L.A.P. addict. You remember the disease - Chrome, Leather, Accessories, and Paint.

After seeing that five other riders were signing up for the ride, and rationalizing to myself that Harley doesn't sell anything that would fit my bike, I decided to make like a storm chaser and go searching for the vortex of the Harley hurricane.

When we formed up at Lake Wright, I was happy to see that Ned and his Honda were along for the ride. The group consisted of Mike, Danny, Al, Larry (all Harley types) and Ned and me (the Official Honda Representatives). The goal was to stop at Hampton Roads HD to pick up a discount (5-25%) and then head to South Side HD to get a multipler (1-2). The maximum discount was $500.

With Al in the lead, we headed up I-64 for HR HD. It was a quick ride and the homing beacon built into every Harley helped to guide us into the dealership. We were there long enough for the Harley guys to do some serious comparison shopping and to start building their strategies for buying something if they got to South Side and the HR's prices were better. Ned and I wandered around the store and parking lot admiring the bikes and the merchandise. I was glad when the guys were ready to leave, since I found myself in the chrome accessories section wondering if Phil could help me modify the Harley parts to fit my Honda.

We headed over to Yorktown and jumped on that local beauty called Colonial Parkway. Always a great ride, it was impressive to see the number of bikes heading in the opposite direction and those smiling faces. I could tell that each one was seeing visions of leprechaun gold at the end of their chrome rainbow.

We followed the parkway to the Jamestown Ferry and caught a ride to Surry. Using a little biker navigation (you know the routine - "That looks like a nice road"), we headed for South Side HD. One of the most interesting sights on the trip was a group of 45 to 60 sport bikes heading north. This was the largest group of sport bikers I've seen. With all of the waving, I looked like a purple seagull trying to fly on one wing.

We got to South Side a little after noon and it was packed. Between the discount at HR HD and the multiplier at SS HD, I was entitled to a 22% discount. I looked and looked (and looked) at all of the accessories and the clothes. Unfortunately (this was the first in a series of unfortunate events), they had already sold out of my size of the vest I wanted. Not willing to leave empty handed, I bought a book on touring western Virginia. Of course, as soon as I paid, I saw a couple of Hawaiian bandanas that would go perfect with my island personality.

With some of the guys in line at the cash register, and some still trying to arrange for a purchase from HR HD (without having to ride back over there), a couple of us headed for home.

Now comes the unfortunate series of events. I will keep this short since I can not bear to repeat the story and I'm sure the bikers among you can not bear to hear it. Aside from the ever present problem of how making a living seems to get the way of having a life, that was the last time I rode the bike until today (over a month).

First, I developed a summer sinus cold that had me buying more Dimetapp than gasoline. The next weekend, I gave up my bike ride for a trip in the mini-van pulling a trailer. It was time to move my mother to Virginia Beach and all of the Brothers had agreed on that weekend. The good news is that we got the trailer packed in one day and we were able to head back to VB the next day.

The bad news is that old age, being overweight, and out of shape combined to give me the second worst back ach I've ever had. This kept me off the bike for the next couple of weeks. Thinking that I had gotten younger and that my back wasn't hurting (as much), I decided to move some more furniture. I quickly developed the worst back ach of my life. This kept me off the bike (and sleeping upright) for the last week.

Today I had an appointment with the Virginia Beach Motorcycle Unit to discuss the first (hopefully of many) articles for Biker eNews' column "In the Headlight". I decided it was time to get back on the bike (after all, how would driving a Civic to a motorcycle interview look to professionals).

The interview went well and I hope to finish the article this week. More importantly, I rode the bike and I'm ready to get back into the groove. As I warned you, this article wasn't about great feats of riding skill or about the lore of winding roads; it was about a series of unfortunate events that hopefully won't have a sequel. Until the next time, ride safe even if it's only 20 miles. It helps to rekindle the soul.

Back to "Muse from the Rest Area"

Back to More from Gary