This morning I
lucked out and between Walmart, Bass Pro and local Gun Shops I was able to buy
several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a
drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.
looked at the ammo in the back of my SUV and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a
big believer in barter, Big Guy...Would you be interested in trading sex for
So, I thought about it for a few seconds and then I asked, "What
kinda ammo ya got?"
Exercise for the older gentleman
Repeat this exercise every morning for twenty minutes. It really
Works for me
No need to thank me.
Us older guys need to stick together.
Even younger guys can benefit.....
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
1 millionth of a
mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking
the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God - 1
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour =
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000,00 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between 2
jokes = a straight line
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 cc's of wet socks = 1
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
The doctor said,
'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles
to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The
only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no
choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a
headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an
important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he
felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need...
A new suit...' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see...
Size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit
it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said,
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.' J
oe tried on the shirt and it
fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said,
The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'
salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your
testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Property Taxes Your House
As Seen By: Yourself...
And... Your County's Tax Assessor...
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